so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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