probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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