so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
