How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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