He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
