"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
