I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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