after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to align my fucking chakras
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
