You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize