i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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