She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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