Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
