Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
