I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
sex in a hospital.. check
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
