Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
