So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize