i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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