My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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