i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sober January is a disaster.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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