I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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