alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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