you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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