you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
