I think i peed on brittanys purse
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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