Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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