I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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