Just cropdusted the office
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
