don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
