blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
