I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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