my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
