its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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