i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
