i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
