Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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