so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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