I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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