He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
