weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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