I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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