So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
