Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
