I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
