If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
