Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
