Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
