I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
