i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
