why didn't you poke me back
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
