It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
