Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
