BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
