I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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