can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
