in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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