3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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