just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's shark week go big or go home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
