speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
