I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
