I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
