booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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