you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
