How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
