apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize