lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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