He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
