i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This can only be settled by a dance off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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