The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
