non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
