Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
