So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
